I have invented a new game which will be sure to sweep the world off it’s feet and make MMA look like volleyball(the bad kind) in comparison.

The game involves two men standing in the middle of a seven sided arena. The players must be men of comparable height, no women allowed. Each man will be armed with a regulation cricket bat and a cooked pork shoulder roast. Play begins when the referee drops a napkin soaked in bull urine between both men.

The man with the most siblings goes first. If both men have an equal number of siblings the game cannot be played and two other players must be found. During the first turn the player will swing the cricket bat at the other man’s groin area. Once a swing is taken the next player will have a crack at it.

The game ends when one man is left standing. The winner must consume both pork shoulders within a 2 hour period or else the game will have to be re-played with the loser going first. Any man who completes both tasks will be forever known as Testekrikket Grand Wizard and will be rewarded with 7 one-legged prostitutes and a jar of fancy mustard.

There are still a lot of kinks to work out of this but I think it could catch on given the right TV contract. If anyone out there knows a sports network which is desperate for programming then please point them my way.

I like money.

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