The Power and the Glory

You know what’s awesome? 


Not the ironic hipster try-hard moustache (I’ve been sick of irony for 10 years). Be honest about it. A moustache should be grown because you love it and think it’s awesome, not because you’re trying to make an inside joke among the few people that really understand you. Be fucking proud of how you dress, the way your hair is cut or what type of cheap beer you liked even before all the fucking douchebags hopped onto it because dammit it’s a great fucking beer and I’m not going to stop drinking it just because it’s fucking trendy.

Grow a fucking moustache.

Do it because you want to. Do it because for once in your life you feel the need to stand out. To tell the world that they can’t tell you what to do with your face anymore. Take that chance and you will not regret it.

You’ll see more women smiling at you on the street. Are they smiling because they’re laughing at you or because they want you? It doesn’t matter either way, no man should care about such things. Eventually the women will be falling into your lap and the men will be envious. You may get into more fights but that shouldn’t be a problem. You’re already displaying more manhood than Ron Jeremy above your lip.

Some of the greatest men in history have sported a moustache with pride and violence. I’m partial to the horseshoe ‘stache myself but that’s only because it suits my face better than any others Ive tried. You could go for the walrus , the dali or if you’re feeling extra ballsy, the chaplin. Whatever you choose you need to make a commitment to wear it for at least three months. After that time please come back and tell me how much better your life is.

Some women may complain about it saying it scratches their face and doesn’t look good. Are you going to take that? She should be proud that a man such as yourself would be so kind as to share his 5-pound balls with you. Tell her she’s lucky that you can’t grow rusty nails out of your face…yet

Don’t be lazy and do a beard. The security of a goatee is not required(also it isn’t 1995 anymore). Chinstraps are for men with no jawline. Do it right or don’t do it at all. Don’t just do it as an excuse to raise money for charity either. Every month should be Movember.

You can do this. 

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