My birthday is many things to many people. For some it is the time where they thank me for all of the joy and entertainment I’ve provided them in the past year. Others see it as a time of misery knowing that I’ve still gone on living another year without you fuckers getting to me and don’t think that I don’t know who you are because I do know and the only reason you’re still alive right now is that I’m much to busy trimming my moustache to give a shit about you but you should still watch your fucking front because I’m too much of a man to attack someone from behind.
Also it was mother’s day this year. I have another rant relating to that subject but we’ll leave it for another time.
I had something really great to write here but looking at that picture has made me a bit distracted. It’s not just her dead-fucking-sexiness that has me at a loss for words, it’s also the whole idea of her.
I’ll can explain.
Every year I look up people to see who has the same birthday as me along with other notable events that have happened that day. When I first started doing this I was pleased to find myself among the likes of Ghostface Killah, Mike Wallace, Billy Joel and Candice Bergen. Also on that day in 1950 L. Ron Hubbard published his masterpiece of erotic fiction “Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health“.
All of these wonderful coincidences pale in comparison to the big revelation; that someone who I find totally fucking sexy was born on the exact same day as I was! This gets me thinking about how many ways this could be used to my advantage in building my future life with Rosario.
Reasons why Rosario Dawson should totally get with me
We were born on the same day
Of course this has already been mentioned before but allow me to elaborate. If I were to allow Rosie into my life birthdays would be very convenient since I would never have to worry about forgetting hers. We could even have our first date on our birthday so it would be easy to know how long we were together when the paparazzi asks. Then when we decide to settle down and get married we could pick that day as well making the entire history of our passionate affair revolve around the greatest coincidence in the history of whatever.
Some would say that it sucks to share your birthday with anyone but those people are generally un-evolved and think only of themselves. A birthday celebration involving Ros’ and me would be a spectacular annual event making the Oscars look like your last birthday party where only three people came and they were all from work. I guarantee these naysayers will be begging to get over the 16 metre electric fence that we set up around the private island where Ro’ and I will be holding this extravaganza.
We both got our start in films made by perverts about kids having sex
Of course the only public screening of my film was at the trial and my only compensation was two snickers bars and the loss of my innocence.
She dated the guy who played Pacey on Dawson’s Creek
I’ve been told by some that I look like a bloated, more rugged version of Joshua Jackson. They probably broke up because she’s more into the alpha male type which works more in my favour. Also I’m willing to bet that she got sick of the whole “Dawson’s Creek star dating someone who’s last name is Dawson!” thing.
We are both really hot North Americans of African descent
When you think about it we’re all from Africa if you look back far enough. I learned this from “Boyz n the Hood”. What the fuck happened to Cuba Gooding Jr?
Women love married men who write about all the celebrities who should hook up with them on blogs that nobody reads
I am so fucking in!
Feel free to call on me anytime R-Daws. Probably best to just send a text since I’m super busy thinking of ways to stalk Katy Perry.