I wish I had a flair for words. I wish my grammar was better. I would jump at the chance of learning how to use such foreign punctuation as the semicolon. If only my mind were a thesaurus that could produce infinite synonyms for the word “nice”. I wish that my head could retain the correct spelling of words which I use daily.
Part of this I like to blame on the terrible, soul-sucking entity better known as the public school system. The last grammar lesson I received was in grade 3. You would think that the 10 years of english classes I attended after that would give me a few more pointers but you would be more wrong than Al Gore is about climate change. What I recall from english was reading dry novels while being asked to interpret them in the exact way the teacher wanted them to be interpreted. All symbolism had to be pre-approved by the local board of education in order for it to warrant a small checkmark in the margin of my hand-written(!), double-spaced book report.
Of course back then I didn’t care for grammar, writing or any of that faggy, new-age bullshit. I was going to be an engineer or a politician and neither of those professions requires writing ability beyond that of a 6 year-old. Leave writing to those who couldn’t do math. It wasn’t until after I graduated and got out into “the real world” that I realised how ill-prepared I was to converse with intelligent adults.(Pro-Tip: Spelling and grammar checkers don’t help when your talking to someone at a party.) Of course in the decade since high-school I have done nothing that would actually solve any of the problems I’m whining about right now. Sure I’m more aware of how shitty my writing is but I really just can’t be bothered to learn the right way.
I have not abandoned hope just yet, I’m not that old. Perhaps when(if) I start university(again) my writing will improve due to the sheer volume of work that will be forced upon me. Or maybe the standards have fallen so low that the kind of garbage I spew will be considered acceptable in which case I fear my own complacency. Either way I hope to release more words from my brain no matter how mundane and idiotic those words happen to be.
I should probably work on my typing as well.