Shorts > Pants

Man was never meant to cover his legs completely. I feel very restricted covering my calves in thick cloth and so should all of you unless you’re really fat or have really skinny chicken legs in which case you should totally be covering up all the time just to keep me from having to look at your ugly ass.

For some reason shorts have a bad rep. I for one am lucky enough to have a job that doesn’t care too much about how I look as long as I maintain the appearance of at least a class 3 hobo. It’s honestly one of the things keeping me here in the warm months when I could be waterskiing or throwing balls of wet newspaper at skateboarding teenagers. What bothers me the most is that I’m in the minority and most men are forced into ball-sweat inducing pants making it necessary to keep office buildings as cold as fucking possible in the middle of the summer.

Don’t get  me wrong here I love air-conditioning and wish upon all the gods that my apartment had central air but keeping office buildings at 20 degrees is a bit excessive even for me. I’m not some hacky-sack playing liberal arts dropout but I think that a lot of the worlds energy problems could be solved if people just got over their anti-short agenda and let everyone dress appropriately for the weather. Sadly I think that a lot of people will have to die off before society can get over this bullshit and frankly I don’t have time to wait around for it because it seems to be taking forever and those goddamned baby-boomers just keep on living and controlling shit even though they’ve shown themselves to be completely irrelevant and downright pathetic as a group.

My point in all of this is that warm weather is now coming my way in this city that I live in and I’m getting really excited to not have to wear pants. I dream of one day moving somewhere hot enough that I don’t even need to keep pants in my closet but until then I’m going to enjoy every cool breeze that hits my balls in just the right way until October.

My calves are excited.

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